Gender 101: What does it all mean?
Is sex the same as gender? What about gender identity? Or gender expression? What does “assigned at birth” mean? If you’re new to the gender discussion, you may be unfamiliar with some of these terms or might even be using them incorrectly.
So let’s start with the basics.
SEX
Sex refers to the biological, genetic, or physical characteristics that define people as male, female, or intersex.
When we’re born, doctors usually decide whether “female” or “male” will be listed on our birth certificate. This sex assignment at birth is typically based solely on one’s genitals, but sex characteristics also include chromosomes, gonads, and sex hormones. Our sex assigned at birth may or may not correspond to our gender (more on that in a hot minute).
Many people think that a person can only be born male or female. However, intersex babies are born with any of several variations in sex characteristics including chromosomes, gonads, sex hormones, or genitals that can’t be classified as typically male or female.
Important note: Someone’s sex characteristics are their personal and private information. Keep your mind out of other people’s pants! When someone shares their gender identity with you, it’s inappropriate to assume or try to figure out that person’s sex assigned at birth (which is why the old SNL “Pat” skits are problematic). Simply believe others when they share their gender identity with you and support them. End of story.
GENDER IDENTITY
Sex and gender are not the same! Gender identity is a person’s deeply-held, internal sense of being male, female, some of both, or neither. Gender identity can correspond to or differ from the sex we are assigned at birth. The language a person uses to communicate their gender identity can evolve and shift over time, especially as someone gains access to a broader gender vocabulary.
Gender describes our internal understanding and experience of our own gender identity. Common genders include (but are definitely not limited to!):
Cisgender - People whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. I was assigned female at birth and identify as a woman, so I’m cisgender.
Transgender - People whose gender identity differs from their assigned sex. Sometimes transgender is used broadly as an umbrella term, and it can also be used more narrowly as a gender identity that reflects a binary gender identity that is “opposite” or “across from” the sex they were assigned at birth. Many transgender people will transition socially, legally, and/or medically to align their gender expression with their gender identity. However, not all transgender people transition and for those who do, not all transition in the same way.
Non-binary - People who experience their gender identity and/or gender expression as outside of the male-female gender binary. Many other words for identities outside the traditional categories of man and woman include genderfluid, genderqueer, polygender, bigender, demigender, or agender. These identities are similar but not necessarily synonymous. My child Indigo does not identify as male or female but instead identifies as non-binary/agender.
Another important note: Male and female are not the only genders. Gender is infinite! Once you get your mind around that fact, you will never see the world the same way again.
GENDER EXPRESSION
Gender expression describes the way in which we present or express our gender, which can include physical appearance, clothing, hairstyles, and behavior.
This is our “public” gender - how we present our gender in the world and how society, culture, community, and family perceive, interact with, and try to shape our gender. Gender expression is also related to gender roles and how society uses those roles to try to enforce conformity to current gender norms.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION
Sexual orientation and gender are separate, though related, parts of a person’s overall identity. Gender is personal (how we each see ourselves), while sexual orientation is interpersonal (who we are physically, emotionally and/or romantically attracted to). As author, comedian and social justice advocate Sam Killermann explained in the National Geographic documentary Gender Revolution, “Gender is who you go to bed as. Sexual orientation is who you go to bed with.”
Below is a handy-dandy graphic created by Killermann if you’re a more visual person:
Again, these are basic definitions and not exhaustive by any means. When Indigo came out to us as aromantic asexual, I jokingly said that I needed a cheat sheet to understand these unfamiliar terms, and the next day my sweet child gave this clueless 40-something an actual glossary.
To learn even more exciting terms related to gender, visit these excellent sites (from which I borrowed some wording for the definitions above):
Language is important! Educate yourself!